TEEN CENTER :: COLLEGE CENTER

FRESHMAN JOURNAL: OCTOBER 2, 2005
An Unresolved Question

By Julia Choe

Contradictions are everywhere here on campus. I have all the time in the world, but with all the work and activities I want to do, there never seems to be enough time in the day. I know many more people here than I did last week, yet I don't really know any of them. I have seventy-eight food choices at the dining hall, yet none are edible. In truth, college is still a mystery to me. The first few weeks were just a huge fuzzy mass of names, faces, dorms, and ice cream parties. A month later, I'm more settled, but the days still seem to run in fast-forward. Right before I go to sleep I often think to myself, "I did something today that I've never done before." I understand now why people tell me that freshman year is the greatest; everything that I do is new, unique, and completely exciting.

In many ways, college is exactly the opposite of high school. Most noticeably (and thankfully), there are no bells or set schedules. Some of my friends have no classes before noon; others have as little as two hours of class per day. There is no set block of time during which everyone is in class, and there is no one assignment that everyone is attempting to finish. The decentralized nature of college means that really, a student is free to do anything he or she wants to do.

Now, all this may seem amazing. No homework? No schedules? And finally, no parents telling you what to do? And truly, it is great. Because of the newfound freedom of being on campus, I think that thousands of friends and family must be receiving phone calls of "I love it here, it's great, college is so much fun!" I've made more than a few calls like that myself to people back home. All that I could complain about in terms of rules and restrictions has disappeared. Often I look at my schedule, which last year would have been filled with planned-out activities and homework assignments, and I wonder what it is exactly that I am going to do with my time. Looking at my planner today, I see that I could do some of my French reading in the morning, audition for that new dance group in the afternoon, go to lecture, and then finally go to the a capella jam at night. Or…I could not, and I could talk with my friends outside all day. The strangest part about college for me is that I honestly have no obligations to any other person other than myself. If I don't go to class, it's likely that there will be little direct repercussion coming from another person. The only person who really plays a part and has an interest in my succeeding is me. And while I'm sure that this actually was true in high school, the fact that it is so clear here makes me realize how sharply different and limitless college is.

The only idea that remains constant throughout the days is that everything I do here is all determined by me. I guess that's why my parents, along with most adults in the world, sigh and wax nostalgic when they think of college. I can't imagine a time when a person could be as independent (and as irresponsible) as now. On the other hand, I can't think of a time when there are more possibilities for me to learn and develop into anyone I want to be. I think that freshman year is all about finding a niche within the whirlwind of campus life. It's impossible to do all the activities and classes that I want to do, and I know I will be better off when I find what it is that I want to concentrate on exploring. As of now, though, I'm still wandering around to different introductory meetings, trying new organizations, and exploring different fields of academics. It is freedom that is simultaneously intimidating and incredible. Who am I going to be amidst this historic college campus? It's an unresolved question, but one that I will be sure to answer by having the greatest time that I possibly can.