TEEN CENTER :: COLLEGE CENTER

FRESHMAN JOURNAL: JUNE 21, 2005

An Empty House

By Abha Bhattarai

Leaving college was a lot more sad and difficult than I'd expected it to be when I moved away from home last September. I spent my last week at school writing final papers and packing away the memories and junk I'd accumulated during the year. The posters came off the walls, the refrigerator was scrubbed clean, and more than 20 pairs of shoes were stuffed into boxes. By the end, I'd filled up nine cardboard boxes for storage and given away several bags of shoes and clothes. I was left with three suitcases that weighed over 50 pounds apiece to lug home to Austin. I had overpacked miserably, a common freshman mistake I'd been warned about repeatedly. At the airport's check-in counter, airline employees smiled as I opened my suitcases to rearrange books and clothes. "College kids," they sighed, "they're all the same."

I had an early morning flight, so I said a few of my goodbyes the night before and the rest at 5 a.m. as the cab was waiting outside. It was a bittersweet moment at the time, but looking back on it, there's nothing too sad about being away from college for three months. I'll miss my friends, but at the same time, I've missed my friends from home too. Evanston and Austin both feel like home to me now.

I was a little nervous about having a roommate and being surrounded by a suite full of students at first. I'd never shared a room before and I valued having my own space and time every now and then. It was difficult at first to break away and find time for myself, but I found ways of compensating for the lack of private time through little things like shopping trips, lunches or afternoon movies every couple of weeks. Those outings gave me the space I needed to get away for a little while. By the end of the year, I loved living with so many people because there was always someone to talk to and something to do. Now, it's a little strange to wake up in an empty house and to brush my teeth without running into my friends in the bathroom.

As with everything else, it took me a while to figure out what I was doing academically. The grading in my classes seemed almost arbitrary at first, but by the end, I began seeing a correlation between the amount of effort I put into my work and the grades I received.

I was frustrated with a literature class I took first quarter because it seemed like I always ended up with a B+ regardless of the effort I put into my work. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and it was difficult for me to gauge the quality of my work when something I'd thought about for days amounted to the same grade as a paper I threw together at the last minute. By third quarter, though, I began to see a difference in the grades I received based on the amount of work I put into them. Assignments I spent hours researching for fared much better than papers I wrote the night before deadline. It was a nice feeling to know that I had control over my grades and that I was capable of doing well in all of my classes. At the same time, though, there was no excuse for not doing well. I always felt bad when my grades weren't as good as they could have been because that meant I wasn't working hard enough. Spring quarter got to be draining after a while - especially when I had two or three papers due the same week while most of my friends at other schools were already at home enjoying their summer vacations.

Now that I'm at home interning for 40 hours a week, it almost seems like going to college was my vacation. I could wake up for a class at 9 a.m. and be back in bed for a nap an hour later. It's much more difficult to make it through an eight-hour day at work when I need to be alert all the time. I'm slowly learning to manage, though. I love being at home, but a part of me is also looking forward to heading back to school in September.