TEEN CENTER :: COLLEGE CENTER

FRESHMAN JOURNAL: FEBRUARY 16, 2005

Learning to Be Patient

By Abha Bhattarai

We took an inventory the afternoon we first moved in - there were eight girls in my suite, two were newly single, three were in long-distance relationships, and the other three were waiting to see what was out there.

Five months later, most of us are in the same position we started in, and we've realized that our college tuition definitely does not cover dating service fees.

Like many students, I came to Northwestern unrealistically expecting something like a lineup on The Bachelorette. I figured I would have no problem picking from a group of guys who were smart, attractive and funny. Instead, I feel like I'm stuck in an episode of Average Joe.

And it doesn't seem like I'm the only one. I hear the same complaints day after day from other freshmen: The boys are too short and too immature. People at parties just want to "hook up." It's hard to tell whether someone means well or is just downright creepy.

Many freshmen spent last quarter rebounding from their high school relationships. Some continued to talk to their exes regularly, while others tried their best to forget their past relationships by hooking up with as many students as possible. There were several relationships among students in my dorm, but most of those were short-lived and painfully awkward afterwards.

So it came as no surprise that the only freshmen who seemed to have Valentine's Day plans were those who visited their long-distance boyfriends and girlfriends, and singles with "anti-Valentine's" dinners.

My friend Anne spent Valentine's weekend visiting her boyfriend at Tufts University outside Boston. She got back to campus Monday for an 11 a.m. midterm and an Economics quiz at noon. It didn't seem to bother her though. In fact, she says Dan's visits and her trips to Boston are what keep her going during the school year.

Miriam, my roommate, worries that breaking up with her high school boyfriend before college wasn't the best idea. She's been on a few uneventful dates at Northwestern, but nothing that measures up to her 2-year relationship with Jay.

But how could it? They'd known each other for four years before they even began dating.

Suddenly, we're in a much different world of dating and relationships where first impressions matter. It's hard to decipher ulterior motives and figure out any given action. Being asked out on a third date could imply that you're dating casually, dating exclusively, in a relationship, or it could mean absolutely nothing at all.

So while some of my friends are busy counting down days until the next time their boyfriends visit, the rest are learning to be patient.

In the meantime, I'm still searching for the cute boys I saw in the prospective student viewbook I got in the mail last year. I'm sure they're around here somewhere.